


GOOD PEOPLE NOW(?)

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, EDEN - Fandom, Fall Out Boy, Glass Animals, Halsey (Musician), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asexual Character, Daddy Kink, Drug Use, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Trans Male Character, ashley will appear in a few chapters, gerard has insomnia and depression, group chat au, i joined the bandwagon..., jonathan ng is eden, mentions of... grunge? i guess?, then again everyone is slightly depressed, theyre all a little gay/bi tbh, will be updated as time goes on maybe?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 05:32:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: BREADBIN URINAL has added you to the group chat: ISLE OF FLIGHTLESS BI(TCHES)RDS!aka, another group chat where we're all fucked.





	1. let the games begin

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [SET MY HEART ON FIRE.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10677744) by [tyjo_exe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyjo_exe/pseuds/tyjo_exe). 



> first fic !!! yaayayayayayayay.  
> i'm really sorry if i let this fic die y'all sometimes inspiration likes to punch me in my ass.  
> character names:  
> dj spooky jim | josh  
> johnny boy | tyler  
> ryro | ryan  
> breadbin urinal | brendon  
> soul punk | patrick  
> eyeLIESner | pete  
> mikey! | mikey  
> gerbear | gerard  
> funky fresh | frank

_**BREADBIN URINAL** has added you to the group chat: **ISLE OF FLIGHTLESS BI(TCHES)RDS!**_

_Online Members: dj spooky jim, ryro, Breadbin Urinal, soul punk, johnny boy, mikey!, gerbear, funky fresh and eyeLIESner._

* * *

  _6:02 AM, August 9th_

_1 new message!_

Breadbin Urinal: WAKEY WAKEY I'M FUCKING BORED

eyeLIESner: oh of course you are

eyeLIESner: its not like it's 6 in the morning or anything...noo...

eyeLIESner: and... that i'm having a crisis... over school... starting tomorrow...... no.........

soul punk: Pete are you okay

eyeLIESner: NO PATRICK, I'M NOT OKAY

eyeLIESner: I WANT TO LITERALLY REWIND SUMMER AND STOP EXISTING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

dj spooky jim: same?

mikey!: same dude

mikey!: i'm honestly not ready

soul punk: honestly, are any of us ready?

ryro: no

mikey!:

Breadbin Urinal:

eyeLIESner: did you just decide to show up, ryan

ryro: yes

ryro: i've been basically watching this entire conversation

ryro: but i didnt say anything

eyeLIESner: typical

Breadbin Urinal: babe come over i'm gay and needy

eyeLIESner: same

soul punk: same

mikey!: same

dj spooky jim: same

ryro: babe, it's literally 6:08 in the morning.

Breadbin Urinal: its never too early to come over to your boyfriends house

ryro: how would i even get in

Breadbin Urinal: from the... front door..........

ryro:

ryro: brendon, every time i come over, your mom stares right at me like i'm satan

ryro: she says, and i quote,

ryro: "you bring the devils cabbage into my household and corrupt my son like this?"

ryro: i dont think your moms going to approve

dj spooky jim: DEVILS CABBAGe

Breadbin Urinal: shes a protective mom machine

mikey!: i am also, a protective mom machine

gerbear: mikey you act like youre 3

mikey!: says the person that still watches veggie tales

gerbear: DONT YOU FUCKING CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

gerbear: atleast i listen to nirvana and DONT WEAR THE SHIRT F O R A E S T H E T I C 

mikey!:

mikey!: u right

funky fresh: 1. i relate, pete

funky fresh: 2. mikey you watch bubble guppies

funky fresh: 3. listen to nirvana

dj spooky jim: this chat is a fucking mess

Breadbin Urinal: we're all a fucking mess, joshua

dj spooky jim: god damn it u right

Breadbin Urinal: wait

soul punk: Waiting

Breadbin Urinal: whos johnny boy again

soul punk: Oh, that's my friend Tyler

soul punk: You might've added him by mistake

Breadbin Urinal: why the fuck is he in my contacts

soul punk: Idk you'll figure it out

Breadbin Urinal: patrick. patrick please.

soul punk: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

eyeLIESner: we're not prepared for this year at all are we

dj spooky jim: NOPE

funky fresh: we're all fucked


	2. neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get to see talk of ... friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my dudes! if you decided to tune in for another chapter: thank u so much!! :>  
> i literally have.. no idea, what i'm doing  
> and i'm going on this with no plot. can you believe how prepared i am? no? neither can i because i'm not prepared  
> happy reading!!! :^)

**_ISLE OF FLIGHTLESS BI(TCHES)RDS_ **

_**Online Members** : dj spooky jim, funky fresh, Breadbin Urinal, ryro, soul punk, eyeLIESner_

* * *

 

_3:05 PM, August 9th_

_3 new messages!_

**dj spooky jim:** yo who the fuck is awake

 **dj spooky jim** : help me out here

 **dj spooky jim:** a new kid is moving into the house a few houses down

 **soul punk** : Me!

 **eyeLIESner** : just woke up

 **eyeLIESner** : and why does this concern us

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : my mom is making me be social

 **eyeLIESner** : NOOO

 **ryro** : like that's the worst thing in the world, josh

 **dj spooky** **jim** : it's even more worse then you, ross

 **ryro** : y'all need to chill tf out damn

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : you do it first when you stop fucking with brendons head

 **soul** **punk** : ALRIGHT JOSHUA DUN AND RYAN ROSS

 **soul punk** : LET'S CHILL OUT

 **eyeLIESner** : alright, so.. josh, continue?

 **dj spooky jim** : ...right.

 **dj spooky jim** : anyway, i need one of you guys to invite me over

 **dj spooky jim** : knowing gerard and frank theyre probably smashing

 **dj spooky jim:** brendon is either high off his ASS, or sleeping

 **dj spooky jim** : i hate ryan

 **ryro** : ditto :) <3

 **dj spooky jim** : so, i would love it if patrick or pete invited me over

 **soul punk** : I can't right now, I'm getting new glasses!

 **soul punk** : I'm sorry Josh :(

 **dj spooky jim** : it's alright patman, it's not your fault

 **dj spooky jim** : pete?

 **eyeLIESner** : mm...

 **eyeLIESner** : can you atleast get a look at the kid for me?

 **dj spooky jim** : uh, sure

_3:13 PM, August 9th_

_5 new messages!_

**dj spooky jim** : she's actually pretty cute

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : long hair, and she's wearing a rly baggy sweater

 **dj spooky jim** : she's movin' in boxes w/ her dad i think

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : OH SHIT SIBLING INBOUND

 **dj spooky jim** : S I B L I N G I N B O U N D

 **soul punk** : Sibling inbound!

 **eyeLIESner** : sibling inbound

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : SIBLING INBOUND THEY ARE COMING TO THE HOUSE

 **dj spooky jim** : PETE CAN I COME OVER OR NOT

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : FUCK MY MOM CALLED MY NAME

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : I'M CLIMBING OUT THE WINDOW

 **soul** **punk** : Be careful, Josh!!!

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : IM ALMOSS T HTJ ERESWQS3R2

 **eyeLIESner** : rip josh

 **funky** **fresh** : rip josh

 **soul** **punk** : R.I.P Josh! :(

 **eyeLIESner** : oh hey frank

 **eyeLIESner** : ...how long have you been here

 **funky** **fresh** : a while

 **eyeLIESner** : so... for the entire conversation.

 **funky** **fresh** : yea

 **eyeLIESner** : interesting

 **ryro** : where's gerard?

 **funky** **fresh** : he's sleeping on me atm, he had a rough night

 **eyeLIESner** : oh poor dude

 **soul punk** : Is it his insomnia or is it something else?

 **funky fresh** : depression got him thinking too much so rn we're just cuddling

 **soul punk** : Boyfriend of the year

 **eyeLIESner** : thank you frank

 **eyeLIESner** : i dont know what he'd do w/o you

 **funky fresh** : i dont wanna think abt that. thank you tho :)

 **eyeLIESner** : :)

 **dj spooky jim** : the new kid. saw me fall. from my window

 **dj spooky jim** : this is the worst day of my life

 **eyeLIESner** : R.I.P JOSH X2

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : I CANT TELL IF SHES LAUGHING OR IF SHES SQUINTING REALLY HARD...

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : SHES COMGIN OVER OH MY GOD

 **soul** **punk** : Josh I genuinely pray for your soul

 **eyeLIESner** : welp uh bye josh

 **funky fresh** : i cant believe josh is fucking dead

 **eyeLIESner** : so

 **eyeLIESner** : how about that airline food

 **soul punk** : I wouldn't know, maybe Ryan would

 **eyeLIESner** ; ryan what about that airline food

 **ryro** : it's

 **ryro** : it's... it's a time

 **eyeLIESner** : oh god

 **ryro** : SOME OF IT ISNT EVEN EDIBLE

 **ryro** : I BARELY EAT IT

 **eyeLIESner** : did you mean: school food

 **ryro** : OH FUCK SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN TOMORROW

 **eyeLIESner** : accept death w/ me ryan

 **soul punk** : I'm supposed to do that :(

 **eyeLIESner** : shh baby i know

 **soul punk** :)!!

 **ryro** : gaaaaaaaaaay

 **funky** **fresh** : oh shut it ross

 **funky** **fresh** : says the dude that's dating another dude

 **ryro** : i'm bisexual dude

 **funky** **fresh** : so am i

 **ryro** : =_=

 **funky fresh** : right

 **funky fresh** : anyway

 **funky fresh** : josh are you dead or not

 **dj spooky jim:** NO

 **dj** **spooky** **jim** : i got her kik tho :D

 **dj** **spooky jim** : it didnt go as badly as i thought it did

 **dj spooky jim** has tried to add johnny boy, but they are already in the group!

 **dj spooky jim:** OH FUCK

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo shiiitttt.  
> to make it clear: i dont hate ryan, i promise  
> i just see a lot of him on tumblr that ive become sort of null to him i guess ghvfhg  
> nothing to those that like ryan, i promise! :^)  
> i hope you enjoyed!


	3. tyler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mistakes have been made.  
> also, there's tyler!

_**ISLE OF FLIGHTLESS BI(TCHES)RDS** _

_**Online Members:** _ _dj spooky jim, soul punk, johnny boy, eyeLIESner, ryro, gerbear, funky fresh, breadbin urinal_

* * *

 

_3:09, August 9th_

_8 new messages!_

**dj spooky jim:** I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE

 **dj spooky jim:** _OH MY GOD I HAVE MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE_

 **ryro** : josh chill out its fine im sure... um, whatever their name is doesnt mind

dj spooky jim: NO RYAN YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

 **dj spooky jim** : REMEMBER HOW PATRICK SAID JOHNNY BOY WAS HIS FRIEND, /TYLER/?

 **ryro** : oh 

 **dj spooky jim** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **dj spooky jim** : I'M SO FUCKING STUPID OH MY GOD

 **soul punk:** It's okay, Josh!

 **soul** **punk** : Tyler is really chill

 **soul punk** : I'm sure he realizes you didn't mean to and that you won't do it again

 **soul punk** : And if you do

 **soul punk** : I'm gonna fucking cut your throat while you sleep

 **Breadbin Urinal** : i just got back from shopping and i come back to this holy shit patrick

 **eyeLIESner** : damn patty

 **funky fresh** : mood.....

 **dj spooky jim** : fuck i'm sorry oh god um

 **johnny boy** : Hello?

 **dj spooky jim** : UH!!! hi

 **soul punk** : Hi, Tyler!

 **johnny** **boy** : Oh, Patrick???

 **johnny** **boy** : Is that you???

 **soul** **punk** : Mmhm!!!

 **johnny boy** : Hi!

 **johnny boy** : I just saw this kid fall from his window trying to escape his house

 **johnny boy** : I wish I got it on video

 **dj spooky jim** : that boy.........was me

 **johnny** **boy** : Oh my god

 **gerbear** : is this a bad time

 **funky** **fresh** : yes

 **eyeLIESner** : no

 **soul punk** : I have no idea

 **dj** spooky jim: wait um lets um

 **dj** spooky jim: fuck okay uh lets start over

 **johnny** boy: Oh, okay!

 **johnny** boy: Well, mr. Dj Spooky Jim, I am Tyler, your next door neighbor

 **johnny** boy: Please refer to me with he/him pronouns and I will disregard your previous mistake :^)

 **dj spooky jim** : it is very nice to meet you tyler

 **dj spooky jim** : i'm joshua or josh, your next door neighbor and now your new friend maybe

 **ryro** : josh youre doing a shitty job

 **dj spooky jim** : shut the fuck up ryan

 **johnny boy** : Well, it's nice to meet you, Jish

 **johnny boy** : Josh*! Oops, sorry

 **dj spooky jim** has changed their nickname to  **jish**

 **jish** : i am totally fine with this change

 **ryro:** i'm ryan ross and breadbin urinal is my boyfriend

 **Breadbin Urinal** : i'm brendon and ryan ross is my stupid short boyfriend

 **ryro** : :^)

 **soul punk** : Tyler already knows me but hi I'm Patrick!

 **eyeLIESner** : i'm pete, patrick is my sweet cinnamon roll boyfriend, and im emo

 **gerbear** : cinnamon roll my ass he just threatened josh like 5 minutes ago

 **soul punk** : I am a mother and I will hurt anyone who hurts my babies

 **gerbear:** RIGHT anyway i'm gerard and my brother is mikey who is still sleeping at the moment so im sorry he isnt here to greet you

 **johnny boy** : It's okay! :^)

 **funky fresh:** im frank and i want to fucking fight anything that moves

 **soul punk:** Frank no

 **funky fresh:** FRANK YES

 **gerbear** : right anyway

 **gerbear:** welcome to hell

 **jish** : you'll fit in quite nicely here

 **Breadbin Urinal** : y'all say this like we're a cult

 **eyeLIESner:** just because you said that we're a cult now

 **johnny boy:** Lovely!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS FIC HAS BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS. we're gonna start where we left off and in the next chapter ill just,, skip ahead a few months im so sorry yall, i genuinely am  
> school started and then the whole thing with irma happened and yeah..............  
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY ILL TRY TO POST REGULARLY, I PROMISE


	4. exams & pineapple man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OCTOBER!!  
> name changes, due to it being october
> 
> spooky jish christmas | josh  
> skeletyler | tyler  
> gummy ger | gerard  
> frankenstein | frank  
> pumpkin fucker | brendon  
> please dont fuck pumpkins brendon | ryan  
> kobra kid | mikey  
> hallo-pete | pete  
> trick'o'patrick | patrick

_**ISLE OF FLIGHTLESS BI(TCHES)RDS** _

_**Online Members:** _ _spooky jish christmas, skeletyler, gummy ger, frankenstein, pumpkin fucker, please don't fuck pumpkins brendon, kobra kid, hallo-pete, trick'o'patrick_

* * *

_5:19 PM, October 3rd_

_9 new messages!_

**spooky jish christmas:** I HATE LITERALLY EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS

 **skeletyler:** except me right jish

 **spooky jish christmas:** yes tyler everything except u 

 **pumpkin fucker:** and you guys call yourselves straight

 **gummy ger:** did they seriously plan a test the day before halloween this is bullshit im rioting

 **hallo-pete:** THEY DID?

 **hallo-pete:** BRB LITERALLY BURNING THE SCHOOL DOWN

 **spooky jish christmas:** I HEARD IT FROM THAT ASHLEY CHICK AND I NEARLY STARTED CRYING IN GEOGRAPHY

 **gummy ger:** im not going that day i literally refuse

 **trick'o'patrick:** I am NOT going by myself that day 

 **trick'o'patrick:** Pete you're coming with me

 **hallo-pete:** ill be there burning down the school

 **trick'o'patrick:** No you will not 

 **hallo-pete:** ur not my dad

 **trick'o'patrick:** Pete it's the other way around

 **pumpkin fucker:** HOLY SHIT

 **kobra kid:** brb kms

 **gummy ger:** i hate you all so much

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** aaaaaand back offline i go

 **skeletyler:** josh im scared hold me

 **spooky jish christmas:** held

 **frankenstein:** im gonna have a fucking heart attack

 **gummy ger** : why

 **frankenstein:** 1\. tyler and josh arent together yet 

 **frankenstein:** 2\. patrick 

 **hallo-pete:** patrick i want a divorce

 **kobra kid:** _when were you even married?_

 **trick'o'patrick:** Wait, I'm sorry, I love you :(

 **hallo-pete:** i dont know...

 **frankenstein:** PETERICK IS COLLAPSING  
  
**hallo-pete:** what are you willing to do to make it up to me, patrick

 **trick'o'patrick:** Pete lemme smash

 **pumpkin fucker:** PATRICK LITERALLY DIE

 **kobra kid:** gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg

 **hallo-pete:** you know where my house is, patrick :^)

 **trick'o'patrick:** :^)

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** i have never wanted to die more then i do right now

 **kobra kid:** mood

 **gummy ger:** biggest mood

**skeletyler has changed the group chat name to 'we're all filthy fucking sinners'!**

**skeletyler:** and you know i aint wrong

 **spooky jish christmas:** IM LOSING MY SHIT

**pumpkin fucker has changed the group chat name to 'we're all filthy pumpkin fucking sinners'!**

**please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** brendon.

 **frankenstein:** i will not ever fuck a pumpkin

 **kobra kid:** google how can i literally just... delete my friends

 **spooky jish christmas:** did you know this one kid fucked a pineapple

 **pumpkin fucker:** HE IS MY HERO

 **gummy ger:** HOLY SHIT REALLY

 **frankenstein:** why am i friends with you guys

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** wasn't that the dave bayley kid

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** didn't he eat a jar of mayo for lunch?

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** isnt he like british or something too

 **pumpkin fucker:** HOW HAVE I NOT MET THIS MAN

 **spooky jish christmas:** he's in culinary with me

 **skeletyler:** IM FRIENDS WITH HIM HE'S MY HERO

 **skeletyler:** WE SHOULD ADD HIM TO THE GROUP

_**SPOOKY JISH CHRISTMAS has added PORK SODA to the chat!**_

**pork soda:** woah woah what is this

 **spooky jish christmas:** HI DAVE

 **pork soda:** oh, josh, right?

 **pork soda:** we're in culinary together i think

 **pork soda:** culinary with mr. wren, 2nd period?

 **spooky jish christmas:** yeah thats me i have the bright ass hair

 **pork soda:** i like your bright ass hair

 **skeletyler:** GIT UR OWN FREN I LIKED HIS BRIGHT ASS HAIR FIRST

 **skeletyler:** hi im tyler

 **pork soda:** oh hi, tyler! lots of friends here, oh gosh : ) 

 **pumpkin fucker:** TELL US ABOUT THE TIME YOU FUCKED A PINEAPPLE

 **pork soda:** oh jeez, who told you about it?

 **pumpkin fucker:** t'was josh my friend

 **spooky jish christmas:** gotta blast!

 **pork soda:** haha its okay

 **pork soda:** i accidentally,,ate some bad mayo and got reaaally out of it and sick

 **pork soda:** also was hella horny dont ask why

 **frankenstein:** same

 **gummy ger:** same

 **kobra kid:** cant relate

 **pork soda:** and as you know pineapples are prickly

 **pork soda:** so i had to cut it open

 **pork soda:** It was a weird experience

 **pork soda:** i could still feel the pineapple and it was...juicy to say

 **hallo-pete:** i get back from fucking patrick and i come back to this

 **kobra kid:** i want to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another character enters the game: dave bayley (and maybe the others if you guys want them) from glass animals!!!  
> i know we just introduced tyler last chapter but,, ehhh i wanted to change it up a lil bit!  
> i hope you guys enjoy! sorry if this chapter was super long and gross ghvfdhgvhfdg


	5. fedoras & the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adventures with graffiti and pineapple man!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> il lTR YTO UP DAT EMO RE OFTEN IM SORRY

_**WE'RE ALL FILTHY PUMPKIN FUCKING SINNERS** _

_**Online Members:** _ _spooky jish christmas, pork soda, please don't fuck pumpkins brendon, skeletyler, gummy ger, kobra kid, hallo-pete, trick'o'patrick, frankenstein, pumpkin fucker_

* * *

 

_October 23rd, 9:10 AM_

_10 new messages!_

**trick'o'patrick** : WHO DECIDED TO JUST SPRAYPAINT THE ENTIRE SCHOOL WITH REALLY FUCKING CRYPTIC QUOTES?

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** i have no idea but this is incredible

 **skeletyler:** WAIT WHAT AM I MISSING IM RUNNING LATE

 **trick'o'patrick:** SOMEONE SPRAYPAITNED THE ENTIRE SCHOOL WITH THESE QUOTES OH MY GOD

 **trick'o'patrick:** WHAT THE  **FUCK**  IS HOPELESS FOUNTAIN KINGDOM

 **hallo-pete:** why are you so angry about this patrick

 **trick'o'patrick:** IM ON CLEANING DUTY TODAY

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** oh my god

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** im crying patrick is just on his knees crying and pete is comforting him

 **hallo-pete:** shhh bb its ok

 **spooky jish christmas:** THERES ONE IN THE HALLWAYS

 **pork soda:** 'don't trust the moon, she's always changing'

 **hallo-pete:** deep

 **skeletyler:** does the moon have a girlfriend

 **frankenstein:** its the sun you dumbass

 **skeletyler:** i hope they are happy together

 **spooky jish christmas:** hey fuckface funky boy dont call him DUMB

 **gummy ger:** DONT BE MEAN TO MY BOYFRIEND

 **spooky jish christmas:** FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

 **kobra kid:** i love my friends :)

 **pumpkin fucker:** god patrick is such a mood right now

 **skeletyler:** what happened to him

 **pumpkin fucker:** he's just on the sidewalk

 **pumpkin fucker:** crying

 **pumpkin fucker:** into his fedora

 **pumpkin fucker:** DID HE JUST PULL OUT A BOX OF TISSUES FROM HIS FEDORA

 **pumpkin fucker:** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP IN THERE PATRICK

 **hallo-pete:** he keeps a lot of things in there and its weird

 **spooky jish christmas:** WHAT THE FUCK DID I SEE A CONDOM IN THJERE

 **pumpkin fucker:** WHAT THE FUCK PATRICK

 **kobra kid:** why do you guys talk about sex so much

 **kobra kid:** could you maybe ... tone it down

 **gummy ger:** i thought it didnt bother you??

 **kobra kid:** it does, surprise

 **kobra kid:** thts rly passive aggressivei m sorry but

 **kobra kid:** can ya tone it down just a little?

 **hallo-pete:** of course my man

 **hallo-pete:** i'm sorry we made you uncomfortable

 **kobra kid:** its ok, i just hear a lot of it and it makes me uncomfortable

 **hallo-pete:** nah my man i get you

 **skeletyler:** dw mikey i still love you if you dont like us talking about sex

 **kobra kid:** im glad you understand

 **gummy ger:** on another note

 **gummy ger:** patrick just fucking pulled a granola bar out of his fedora

 **gummy ger:** he's just crying. and eating it

 **pumpkin fucker:** me 

 **please don't fuck pumpkins brendon:** you literally did that yesterday because you didn't wanna come to school

 **pumpkin fucker:** exactly so its me

 **trick'o'patrick:** DAVBE WH AT THE UFDCK

 **skeletyler:** WHATS HAPPENING

 **kobra kid:** he just took out a jar of mayo

 **kobra kid:** and rubbed some on patricks face

 **pork soda:** it soothes the nerves! :)

 **pork soda:** make sure to twitch your toes

 **kobra kid:** are you high right now

 **pork soda:** im a man

 **skeletyler:** thats not what he asked

 **pork soda:** im a twisted foooool

 **gummy ger:** ****i hate all of you


	6. rest in fucking pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its chrimbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, i'm so so sorry for not updating for like, 2 months.  
> i'm genuinely trying to update, it's just really hard! and i know some of y'all like this dumb story, so your love and motivation keeps me going! i'm going on break this friday, so maybe expect some updates!  
> you guys are very lovely. stay alive!

_**WE'RE ALL FILTHY PUMPKIN FUCKING SINNERS** _

_**Online Members: spooky jish christmas, gummy ger, skeletyler, frankenstein, pumpkin fucker, please don't fuck pumpkins brendon, hallo-pete, trick'o'patrick, kobra kid, pork soda** _

* * *

 

**pumpkin fucker has changed the group name to 'IT'S TIME FOR CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKING CUCKS'**

**pumpkin fucker has changed their name to pinetree fucker!**

**kobra kid has changed their name to kringle kid!**

**pork soda has changed their name to jingle hell!**

**trick'o'patrick has changed their name to snow problem!**

**hallo-pete has changed their name to christmas pete!**

**please don't fuck pumpkins brendon has changed their name to ryro!**

**skeletyler has changed their name to ms. believer!**

**frankenstein has changed their name to frankenelf!**

_9 new messages!_

**pinetree fucker:** oh thats real christmesque, ryan

 **ms. believer:** ryan do you just like to suck at holidays

 **christmas pete:** he got excited over thanksgiving

 **christmas pete:** which is like. the MOST boring holdiay of them all

 **kringle kid:** ryan stop sucking at holidays

 **ryro:** oh fuck off mikey atleast i can suck some dick

 **kringle kid:** im CALLING the POLICE

  **christmas pete:** MAKE YOUR NAME LESS SHIT AND WE'LL STOP KICKING YOUR ASS ABOUT IT YOU PRINGLE

 **snow problem:** Are we just ignoring that Brendon just used 'christmesque'? Like, what does that even mean?

 **pinetree fucker:** its like christmas and esque put together

 **ryro:** where the fuck did you come up with that idea

 **pinetree fucker:** AT LEAST I HAVE SOME CREATIVITY UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

 **kringle kid:** even frank has more creativity than that

 **frankenelf:** its like frankenstein, but an elf

 **gummy ger:** frank honey thats shitty but its okay cus i love you

 **frankenelf:** :D

 **ms. believer:** you need a better name gerard

 **ms. believer:** ur not as bad as fuckin.. ryan tho

 **gummy ger:** hmm

**gummy ger has changed their name to rudolph!**

**ms. believer:** good enough for me

 **rudolph:** get it cause my hairs red

 **frankenelf:** wait gee where are u going

 **rudolph:** somewhere

 **frankenelf:** come back tho wtf 

 **frankenelf:** oh i get it ur gonna go see ur side hoe

 **rudolph:** which one

 **kringle kid:** HE ADMITTED IT

 **rudolph:** just kidding i love frank only but i need to deal w something rq

 **spooky jim christmas:** on this episode: rudolph is a prime suspective in a crime

 **ms. believer:** HI JIOSH  JH IJ OSH H I J O S H

 **spooky jim christmas:** hey tyler :)

 **pinetree fucker:** smh ryan why cant u greet me like that

 **pinetree fucker:** wait wheres ryan

 **christmas pete:** #goals

 **christmas pete:** wait no

 **christmas pete:** one time patrick cried because he didnt see me for like. 2 periods

 **snow problem:** I WAS REALLY SAD THAT DAY AND I MISSED YOU, OKAY?

 **kringle kid:** i strive to be in a relationship like that one day but without the sex

 **kringle kid:** frank you look like youre about to have a heart attack

 **frankenelf:** YE.AHFH I A M   M I KEEY

 **jingle hell:** 'm i keey'

 **jingle hell:** hey btw

 **ms. believer:** hey dave!

 **jingle hell:** what up

 **pinetree fucker:** no for real though guys wheres ryan he usually insults me or one of us by now

 **frankenelf:** FFU K.C YY OU DF  VAE IM HHAINVBG AH E A R TAT T A KC

 **rudolph:** please dont die when im not there im supposed to murder you because you ate all my cheetos

 **kringle kid:** frank just threw his phone and started sobbing over joshler

 **spooky jim christmas:** whats joshler

 **kringle kid:** you + tyler

 **kringle kid:** and i think bc of peterick too

 **jingle hell:** aww

 **rudolph:** yeah frank usually does that

 **rudolph:** just get him some dr pepper he'll be fine

 **kringle kid:** gerard i am a fragile, fragile boy and you expect me to get this fucking dwarf a dr pepper when i fucking hit my head on the doorframe every time i enter the kitchen?

 **rudolph:** thats because you try to be an acrobat but you just hit your head, mikey

 **pinetree fucker:** wtf i just heard a noise from outside his room

 **rudolph:** r u at ryans

 **pinetree fucker:** yes?

 **rudolph:** ok one sec

 **kringle kid:** oh my god gee no please tell me you didnt

 **kringle kid:** gee answer me

 **pinetree fucker:** GEE WHY DID YOU BEAT UP MY BOYFRIEND

 **ryro:** im in extreme pain and i cant even be mad about it

 **rudolph:** talk shit get hit bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gerard is very protective of his brother


	7. christmas discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey yall, i hope you guys have a happy holiday n shit. also merry christmas to those who celebrate  
> in this episode shit goes down

_**IT'S TIME FOR CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKING CUCKS** _

_**Online Members: snow problem, pinetree fucker, ms. believer, rudolph, ryro, kobra kid, frankenelf, jingle hell** _

* * *

_December 24th, 3:17 PM_

_5 new messages!_

**pinetree fucker:** GERARD WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BEAT UP MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN?

**rudolph:** tell ryan to stop being a fucking douchebag to my brother and ill consider it

**frankenelf:** ryan has been kind of a dick to mikey recently

**pinetree fucker:** YOU COULD HAVE ATLEAST TALKED TO HIM ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF BEATING HIM UP

**snow problem:** Guys, it's Christmas Eve, come on, let's not fight

**ryro:** my face hurts holy christ

**rudolph:** GOOD!!!

**snow problem:** I miss Pete D:

**pinetree fucker:** gerard you better keep one fucking eye open 

**pinetree fucker:** actually, no, wait

**pinetree fucker:** better idea :)

**\- pinetree fucker has left the chat! -**

**ryro:** god fuckign dam ni t

**kobra kid:** gee i can handle myself you didnt need to do that

**rudolph:** i cant help it

**rudolph:** i dont like it when people i love are picked on 

**rudolph:** especially if its you or frank, mikey

**frankenelf:** aww <3

**kobra kid:** im sure nobody does, gee

**kobra kid:** but next time, can i stand up for myself? please?

**kobra kid:** im not a baby anymore i can do it myself 

**rudolph:**... okay

**rudolph:** i trust you, mikey

**kobra kid:** good. i love u bro

**rudolph:** thats gay i love you too

**snow problem:** Aww :)

**ryro:** jesus fuckig nchrist gee you psack a punch

**kobra kid:** dont fuck with me next time and im sure we'll be fine, ross

**jingle hell:** OOO GET EM MIKEY

**ms. believer:** holy shit i just got back from crying what happened

**snow problem:** Are you okay?

**ms. believer:** yea im ok i just saw a really cute dog

**snow problem:** Mood

**ms. believer:** srsly tho what happened

**frankenelf:** gerard punched ryan in the face for mikey and now brendons pissed

**ms. believer:** was he being a dick or something

**ryro:** eat a dick tyler

**ms. believer:** i SUCK dick im not a cannibal wtf ryan

**frankenelf:** to answer your question tyler: y

**ms. believer:** y????????

**frankenelf:**  GYOL SHIT ONE WSEOCJND SOF UCJK

**kobra kid:** FUCK

**ms. believer:** guys??

**jingle hell:** oh my god holy shit

**snow problem:** What's going on???

**jingle hell:** brendons beating the shit out of gerard

**jingle hell:** OH SHIT MIKEY JUST FUCKING RAMMED INTO HIM 

**jingle hell:** FRANKS GETTING GERARD INSIDE AND MIKEYS GIVIN IT TO BRENDON

**ryro:** um

**snow problem:** I MISS PETE 

**jingle hell:** gerard didnt look 2 good i didntget a good look

**ms. believer:** why cant we just have a nice christmas eve like a family for once

**snow problem:** THE DISCOURSE IS UNDENIABLY REAL AND I HATE IT

**\- ryro added pinetree fucker to the group chat! -**

**frankenelf:** BRENDON I'M GOING TO FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

**frankenelf:** KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU BETTER BE EXPECTING IT SOON

**pinetree fucker:** nO.w wewe're eve n bbitfc hl :)

**pinetree fucker:** gt rektt ge rarfe

**ryro:** babe stop we're done we need to leave

**jingle hell:** ryan just came and he's helping brendon

**jingle hell:** and now, the sports section, which everybody hates. wait, there's no sports? only drama? yeah i see what u mean 

**kobra kid:** get the fuck off our property

**kobra kid:** dont ever fucking talk to me again 

**kobra kid:** and take your shit boyfriend with you

**\- kobra kid has removed ryro and pinetree fucker from the group chat! -**

**snow problem:** WHY CANT WE JUST HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS EVE

**jingle hell:** is this normal

**ms. believer:** yea but the physical shit doesnt usually happen we just argue and then cry 

**jingle hell:** mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i make ur fav too ooc or some shit i just wanted to get this out cus u guys deserve it

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be the worst thing ive ever done i'm so sorry.  
> also the devils cabbage part was inspired by SET MY HEART ON FIRE, another cool group chat fic  
> mostly inspired me to do this fic tbh


End file.
